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If he loved me, he wouldn't hurt me.

awareness breaking the chain growth transformation Oct 08, 2022
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Have you ever said or heard someone say, "if he loved me, he wouldn't hurt me"?

One of my clients was distraught because she held this belief.

It caused her a lot of pain and kept her stuck in indecision.

She didn't know whether to stay in or leave the relationship because every time she felt hurt, it made her doubt that he truly loved her.

He wasn't physically or verbally abusive (that's a whole other thing).

They had disagreements; they saw things differently and expressed themselves in ways they didn't realize hurt the other.

I asked her, "have you ever hurt someone you love?"

Because the truth of it is, we more often than not hurt the people we do love.

That's because relationships are meant to grow you. The people in your life have a way of getting under your skin sometimes.

Sometimes it's intentional - we say things and do things to hurt on purpose because we are hurt. 

Maybe we don't feel seen or heard, and we get upset.

Sometimes it's not intentional - we simply do not understand the other person's point of view.

Asking her that simple question helped her see that she has hurt the people she loves. And that realization helped her see that hurting someone really doesn't speak to whether or not you love them. 

It helped her unravel this limiting belief she had about love.

I remember years ago, whenever I couldn't get my husband to see my point of view, or I felt I had to sacrifice parts of myself, or couldn't do what I wanted to do because I felt stuck under the weight of responsibility, my automatic response was usually to say "it would be so much easier if you weren't here."

I was shocked when one day he responded, "then maybe I should leave."

It had never crossed my mind that he ought to leave. Never. And for the first time, I saw the pain in his eyes, and I heard that phrase the way he heard it - "it would be better if you weren't here."

I grabbed his hand, looked up into his pained eyes and corrected my statement, "it would be easier, but not better."

My husband is the love of my life - my soul mate. Of course, I didn't want him to leave. But relationships require a lot of communication, compromise, and even more communication. It's work. It's not meant to be easy; it's meant to grow us. And the path of growth is always worthwhile.

Every time you move through a perceived problem or limitation together, you create greater understanding and awareness that bridges the gaps we sometimes feel between us. And that's always worthwhile because growth - becoming the fullness of who we came here to be - is our ultimate purpose in this life.

Everything in nature is either growing or dying.

And the same applies to you.

Are you growing or dying?

Challenge all of your perceived limitations to set yourself free and see the world with greater awareness. It's the path of growth.

Much love,


Live. Love. Laugh. It matters because YOU matter!

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